A New Year, Are we really interested?

I am seeing that one new year is approaching us. But I am really confused seeing people. Are we really waiting for a whole year? I guess a lot of us are really busy and not really thinking we have a whole year ahead. I feel like we becoming more more ambitious. We wanna become a lot in minimum time. Are we bored of what we are? I see most people want to be millionires in a day or so. They don't want to be like this... work hard to meet their expenses. We wanna be rich so that we can be lazy? I am hearing a lot of people talking very similar topic. They have loan which they want to close soon. I think its really good that these people have loans and pending amounts... Other wise they gonna sit idle and will reduce the productivity that much. 

So let me wish all people have a hard year so that we get used to with living hard paths... 

I still need more walks...

I used to think I am powerful and I can really take any real bad situations. Used to be a person who show to take things so lightly. When people tell of job cuts, I used to be smiling and saying if there is job cut in my company or my profession, still there are lot of option, try another company or may be even another job. Live accordingly. When it was Mumbai explosion too I heard some people feeling too much and I was scolding them saying 'why is this much big cry?' Whats logic in thinking what will happen if I am accused someday of some terrorism? what will be the result of dangerous situations? Won't it make our land filled with suspicious eyes? 'Let it happen we will see when it happens'.. Anyway we can't stop the time when we have to die... Until then it's waste to live fearing of it....

Last day some how I was just sitting bored @ office and though of song of movie 'Kannathil Muthamittal' named 'Vidai Kodu Engal Naadae'... I loved the music for the song as it was kinda senti song... I downloaded the song and checked for lyrics just to read as I was sitting bored anyway. Then I read in a site english translation and lyrics. English translation really strike me so fast and make me read whole. 

http://www.lankanewspapers.com/news/2008/8/31867_space.html

O our motherland, Bid us a farewell 

The house whose entrance is cleaned by the sea 

O our palmyra trees... O birds` nests 

will we ever meet again? 

We buried our smiles in our lips 

We buried our life in our bodies 

We are making a procession like empty skeletons.... 

Even with the rags,is there any pleasure 

better than lying on the lap of the mother? 

Even if we go to heaven, will there be freedom 

as our own village and cities! 

The land we opened our eyes is there! 

Where is the land, where we will close our eyes? 

Lets separate, O rivers... We`ll be back if we survive

If our motherland calls us again, we will come back 

we are seeing the land of our birth with teary eyes, 

for the last time 

We lost our music in the cries of our children 

We buried our moon in the smoke and fumes generated by the bombs 

Early in the night, we were enjoying the flowers 

Later in the night, we were torn by the thorns 

O our Sea birds we will meet again if we are alive, 

O blue skies, forests and mountains, 

we will meet again if we are alive 

We carry less on our head but our heart heavily 

burdened, as we leave! 

vidai kodu engaL naadE 

kadal vaasal theLikkum veedE 

panai mara kaadE, paRavaigaL koodE 

maRumuRai oru muRai paarpoama? 

udhattil punnagai pudhaithoam 

uyirai udambukkuL pudhaithoam 

veRum koodugaL mattum oorvalam pogindroam 

kandhal aanaalum thaay madi poal 

oru sugham varuma? varuma? 

soRgam sendraalum sondha oor poal 

oru sudhandhiram varuma? varuma? 

kaN thiRandha dhesam angae 

kaN moodum dhesam engae? 

pirivoam nadhigaLae pizhaithaal varugiRoam 

meeNdum thaayagam azhaithaal varugiRoam 

kaNNeer thiRaiyil piRandha maNNai 

kadaisiyaaga paarkindroam 

engaL sangeetham piLLaiyin azhugaiyilae tholaithoam 

engaL iLam thingaL vedikuNdu pudhaiyilae pudhaithoam 

mun nilavil malaril kidandhoam, 

pin iravil muLLil kizhindhoam 

kadal neer paRavai dhaan irundhaal sandhippoam 

vanamae malaigaLae vaazhndhaal sandhippoam 

thalaiyil konjam nenjil adhigam 

sumaigaL sumandhu poagindroam 

It suddenly made me remember my chat friend whom I just had talk for few days... She used to tell fight wont ever stop and is bad situation. Really I just started imagining how it will be not sure whether we will return back in the evening or not. It's not just death... it's more than that. Even if we see few people in next bus is killed in a blast or so, we have to continue our daily things as it's somewhat common thing. I don't care who wins or whoz true. But both set of people will be suffering from the outcome. I don't know such a nice place of budhist be place of bloods... Would I be cool and calm if situations around me were like this? I don't think so at all... I get frustrated sometimes with the 'stupid' horns itself :)... and I think I am soo cool with situations... Really I am stupid and very sensitive person and I just know I am not that brave... 

Each time when people fwd mails saying if you fwd this mail for 15 people, you will get your wish granted... I am gonna send 100 people wishing fights in Lanka and other place be over soon... and no on lose their own mother and mother land...

How long should I wait for the dog days?

Of course I just know, even though they said it will come, days of these won't come any day. A day of dreams? Truely difficult. 

On a fine after noon after my lunch, I was just heading for my usual walk. I just stopped as I met on of my friend on the way and we were just talking and saw one girl who was on a activa and zooming overtaking some people with a great speed. Suddenly he was saying he will really feel angry if some woman do the same infront of his bike and will overtake back as soon as possible. I don't have the same angry usually as I am not that passionate about bike. But may be I will have similar feeling if some woman walks faster than me :)

Some where or the other its deeply written inside that woman are not capable of doing things better than men, though it's sure the whole concept is wrong in its roots. Lot of times when we go on a bike without any need for speed, if some woman overtake our bike, will really feel to ride faster and overtake and go faster than that girl or woman. So mostly I feel slowest bike of any man will be faster than fastest woman's bike as it's kinda ego clash :) A woman overtaking me means I m too weak that even women started overtaking me :) Yep it's so old a egoist approach some human had and it's still with me... When will I change?

When I was about to post this, I had a feel like it's bit rude to write about this as it's bad to openly say about this stupid thought... But it's really a truth that exists and I don't really find a reason to be hypocrite. I am just trying to fight back against any trace I can find inside my mind which supports or cater this ego :) 

Anyway I just wrote this to make myself count the days towards that dog days, a day when people are seen as people and not as classifications...  not as woman or man, not as black or white, nor as poor or rich, and stop deciding how they should live :) So I am just waiting here looking towards my own mind to see when I change really to a human than mere a man :)

Most amazing moment...

I guess in my life I see lot of varieties of people. But I may be able to have a classification which will make the whole lot to two groups.

1. Those we see often and has to talk sometimes.
2. Those we like to meet and spend time and talk

First group can range from enemies to people who are observing and who might change to second group any time. We have to say a hi or might have to have a smile for them though we know we don't want to waste them. Even bad is when we have to talk for sometime as we will be in trouble finding some interesting common topic. Mostly it will end with health, family, work etc. 

Second group is those we meet someday and feel so happy spending time and talk. You will be able to be free with them. Will feel they are so close and part of your soul itself.. mostly close friends or so.

Worst life of a person is when he has to live with a first group person and best moments of life will be the time we get to spend with second group person whether it's a life time or just a moment.

CEO was killed by sacked employee

First reaction which I had when I saw this news was a smile... An employee lost his job and he killed his boss.. Now what he actually lost? job which was supposed to keep his life or his life itself? :) Of course, he lost a lot more than life. May be I am wrong as there are a lot of big people who lived and dead for some ideas. Was those works based on emotions? I don't know. 

We have a lot of things which we gain by our job. A secure life, a cool place to stay, a good car to travel and nice hang outs etc. We get a lot of respect from others too... We get used to these things and feel these are needed for our life. And without these we can't live. May be it's little difficult to live without these. But it's not an impossible thing. So lot of times it's extremely stupid when we waste our life for those things which fill our life. So I guess it's entirely different from those who left their life for others.

When that day will come?

"You, do you remember me?,

Like, I remember you?"

This is few lines from one of my favourite songs. We can hear as much songs and make some favourites. But to feel them in personal life means a lot. You will really love this moment even though it's really painful. Also this is the last time you can having this feel - the moment of suspense and waiting. Until the day when my prayer was granted and "our path's soon will cross"...

To see a person and get interested is much common. But it will be bad if you meet a person on a sudden fine morning and you get a so much interest in half and hour... and worst is when you get such a feel for a person whom usual people won't find an ideal match with you. Ya, They say so... "You should stand as a different person. Be a rose in dalia field" But its really horrible. 

You will meet the person and talk for half and hour and you will feel "this is the person... the best person... just the type I am looking for... " and you have to leave and go away. Now each time you might be refreshing your mail box... looking at your mobile whether it was a call or msg?... ya another hope that this is the day which our paths may cross each other... but.... it just leaves my eyes to ache...

What you gain from all these?

This was a serious question which I heard from a set of small kids. It was a killer thought for me.... "What you gain from all these?" We went for a trek to Ombattu Gudde. All we had was 9 people with a compas and map and heavy backpack. Ombattu Gudde is thick evergreen forest and path to the peak is so confusing. View at the top is really breathtaking and was really amazed with the pictures of the peak from other sites. We had an idea that one more set of people are trying to hit the peak the same weekend. So we reached base village and started walking. Some or the other place we got to wrong place and then map and compas was really waste as we were having no idea where we were standing... Some what like our life :) At last in the evening we reached some place which is somewhat like a top of waterfall which has less water as its summer. Dangerous situation... Tourch cells were draining, had a chance of rain.... All we had was some petrol, we made some fire and hoped wild animals won't come near us seeing fire. We have few rocks which each one can lye on.. So few people decided to do gaurd when others sleep and decided we will shift this duty.... But danger will be if rain comes as tourches will drain off within couple of hours and fire will go off if its raining... 

That was the first morning when I really felt so much happy when sun was coming out.... Really felt that we got one more day... Everyone was so happy and smiles were everywhere as we were not attacked by any animals... May be animals were thinking the same too :)

After all these adventure, we could realize that we are completely lost to find the path to the peak and has to go back via the base village itself. So we walked down and spend some long time in the river playing with water and refreshing and all. Atlast we approached the base village. There was a bunch of kids playing cricket. When we were coming, they started telling each other in a local language hoping no one in our group know that language and I was knowing this language. 

Kids talk was something like "Oh these people also couldn't make reaching the peak.. One group already passed this way as they couldn't make it even... Has to work hard to reach the peak... Lazy can't make it. And what's use of going for it? What do they gain by going to peak? Take some pictures? What do they gain by taking picture - taking all the risk and difficulties? What's the use of all these difficulties?"

I really started thinking why do I do all these? Really senseless. I do a lot of things and some with great difficulty too... But what's the need? Why do I do all these? Atleast it's just sensible for me... Others won't find any sense in the things which I do. As it's all personal interests.... So why do I expect others to do similar things as I do? Don't I feel a lot of people as weird? Doing stupid things? I guess I am that kid a lot of times in my life... Blaming a lot of people and trying to laugh at those people who take initiative and try to do new things in life and try to make fun of them who fails some times... am I not expected to support and cheer up those? and what do I do? and what do I gain from all these? from laughing at them?

Ya I reached back to the first question...

"What do I gain from all these?"

When will I learn to smile today?

Some time I was talking to one of my friend and we were talking about her daughter and somehow talk slipped like how we might have been at the small age and suddenly a smile was there on our face and we were imaging as it was always a funny and happy moments of anyone’s life. And later it changed to an imagination how we will be at the old age. Then also it broke to laughs most times as we were imagining us without teeth and skinny and all.
Later the day my thought went I never felt it so funny about today. Nor I ever felt it so when I was kid nor now…
May be it’s a truth that we don’t know how to see our today’s. We always see it serious when it’s about today and see most imaginative and laugh out about past or future. And I am sure I will find it lot difficult when I am old with no teethes and skinny and weak.  
Ya I felt I am wrong somewhere again… in seeing things around me and taking it….
I just forget to laugh about todays!!!

"He who laughs best today, will also laughs last." - Friedrich Nietzsche 

Survival of fittest - Kill the silent

Recently I payed a visit to Coorg and on the way back we visited Bylakuppe. This is a tibetian settlement in Karnataka. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bylakuppe. I was used to love this place. Two were the reasons.

1. I personally have a small affinity towards budhism.
2. I have a soft corner for Tibetians and like their dress code and feel their face itself stands for peace and that peace transfers to us when we see them itself.

So I was so excited when I heard that I might be able to visit them again. I was ready with my camera too as I like photographing them even. When we reached we heard their prayer from distance which will make vibrations in anyones minds. While entering one of our team member was describing about history and was telling Tibet is part of India. I tried to tell him it's not( didn't worked out ). When I reached near their prayer hall, I was feeling the peace and was getting involved in their chant sounds and music though I don't know any of their things.

But I found it's difficult to be their with concentration as people( this include kids of 11 till above 50 ) were making lot of rush running here and there and in main prayer hall I tried to sit some times and photo flashes were flashing every 5 seconds. Slim digital cameras, mobile cameras etc every where... Lot of people posing infront of praying people as its a rare scene. I was really iritated by now. Isn't it a huge arrogance? DIGITAL ARROGANCE?

I really felt sad for them. People who are so calm and peaceful. They were attacked in their own country and had to run away from their country and now we went to that place and started attacking them showing we have these digital devices? and try not to give them any peace even during their prayer and sleep.

I was really irritated and came outside and I saw most peaceful people now running as each person asking them to pose with them. I guess they may be now spending 2 hrs a day posing like a statue for some unknown people. I just imagined how it will be like if 10 people ask me to pose with them when I go to office in the morning :O

What he is different from me? Is he not a human? haha if he is not a human I can attack with some digital device? May be I see similar faces when I go some remote villages and take pictures of kids. May be they are wondering whats different about them that I am taking their picture.

Now I really felt bad and didn't had any wish to touch on my camera. Are we making some set of people as rare species? Like we did about animals? If yes what was the difference from us with them? May be it's that they are people who don't get angry so fast just as we can do? May be it's true. We are just arrogant to those who are calm and silent. We make their life so worst and make them decide to run away, to corners of world.

He is designed to kill me

There was an engineer. Once he made a machine to which we can give a person's name as input and machine will start attacking the person until he dies....and he tests machine with his own name... Now its the game... either his machine fails which is a failure for him or he himself die which is another one... 

This is me... who just made my own truths and kept it as a machine and who don't know whether to let my truth win or me win... each day me and my machine goes for a race and I know some day either it kills me or I will declare machine faulty and change it and set it again to my name... and I don't know whether there is a way out from this